What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
