Acid is not a monday night drug
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
