Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
