so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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