Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
