im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
