great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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