If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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