I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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