There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize