Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
