Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
