kristin has been a bad kristin
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
