I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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