I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
