My brain says no but my pants say off.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
