do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
