i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
