just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
