its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You pole danced in your parka.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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