brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
