Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize