My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
