1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
