Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
