Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
