My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
