My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
