Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
