We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
