I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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