Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
