Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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