Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
