remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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