i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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