Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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