Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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