I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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