They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize