I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
