The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize