So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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