dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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