You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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