you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
