we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Randomize
