Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
