You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
