she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I could fuck to npr.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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