Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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