my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
