Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
