im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
