I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we're making bets on your personal life
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
