I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
