i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
