Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
