i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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