Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
