actually, I'm a sock model
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
