I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
