One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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