im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I understand Curling. That high.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
