I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
