i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
