My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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