I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
