I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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