so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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