The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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