babies were throwing up all over the place
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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