I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
