I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
