I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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