Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i will never coherently bang her
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
