I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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