Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize